Well, this week has been a whirlwind. The boys got to stay home for inclement weather for two days. They were disappointed that it was ice and not snow, and even more disappointed that I made them do homework each day. But, I think they had fun. I had my aunt Kathy and my cousin Geri visit from Sedona, AZ. We spent last Easter with them and that's when the boys got to see the Painted Desert, Petrified Forest, and the Grand Canyon. That's also the road trip where my dad and I had to endure the last 6 hours home with Mason, Gabe, Riley and Parker, riding in the Excursion in there boxers convinced they had contracted the Bubonic Plague (from that cute little mouse they caught at Cadillac Ranch.) They spent hours peppering me with questions about the plague, signs, symptoms, how long does it take to get sick, the history of the nursery rhyme, ring-around-a rosie... By the time we got to the ranch, I just told them to stop talking, and if they died on the way to the house, I would stop and leave them at the hospital. I thought it would never end. 6 weeks later, Mason had a rash on the back of his arm, he comes to me in a panic, convinced that he NOW has the plague and what should he do????? I almost cried. First, it was dry skin, second that set off a whole new round of concerns about plague among the boys and many, MANY phone calls at all hours of the night. I don't think any of my boys, will play with mice ever again.
Anyway, it was great to see them, and visit, and I will be going to Sedona in 2 weeks to spend a little more time with them.
I had my picture taken with with just my sister and I today. Pictures make me cry. It reminds me that everyone, who tell me to fight with all I've got, want a picture of me healthy, with hair, and smiling...to remember me by. It reminds me that my time is finite, and we all know it. That it may be months or years, maybe even a decade or more, but not a "lifetime". I realize that any one person, can die at any time, but for the most part we conduct our lives with no thought of our own mortality. It's kinda a mystery, you don't know where, or when, or why? and truth be told you don't think about it. I have been given a clock by which to mark my time. Pictures, mark the passing of a lifetime, the kids growing up, You and your husband, aging together. Right now, for me, pictures mean, there's a time I won't be in them. One day my sons will sit down for a photographer, my husband will smile and encourage them, and I won't be there. My time will be up, much too soon for me. I hate that my boys will now mark their memories with me by which time I had lost my hair, by where the last tumor was. That road trips and vacations will be planned around whether or not I have some sort of treatment.
I spend more time whining, don't I? I feel for each of my friends and family members. Thank you for your tolerance and patience. I'm sure this too shall pass, or else my Doc will increase my meds and then I can be blissfully medicated and walk around with a loopy drugged up grin on my face. I seriously wonder sometimes if I'm stopped by a cop, if they will make me take some sort of roadside DUI test. I wonder if I'll pass?