I haven't written much lately, I guess because I seem to rehash the same old whining. this week was a good one. I got out of the house and that made a huge difference in my attitude. I had lunch with my friend Connie. I know her from work. She took me out, fed me mexican food and offered alcohol. I miss work. Sounds weird, I know, but I do. I miss being so busy that I don;t have time to pee. Listening to someone tell me that they have a sore throat because they've been smoking crack for the last three days, and they just want something for the pain. I also, kinda miss, the people that come in with a sick kid, "and since we're all here we might as well check in and get checked over", all 9 of them. Mostly, I miss the stimulation. Doesn't take critical thinking skills to nap and change the channel on the tv. I'm slowly crawling out of the big, black, hole of depression. I no longer contemplate suicide. I sing along with the radio, and even smile every once in a while. I know that mentally, I'm still lost, but I'm finding a way, a path. I was supposed to be at the boys' Valentine's parties, and was looking forward to it, I was going to work this week... But, side effects from my medicine kept me away from both. Good news... after 2 days of basically not walking and staying in bed and taking pain pills, I can now put on shoes. Bad news... it took 2 days and I find that frustrating because that's 2 days of my life that I missed out on. I've begun stalking people on the phone, so don't be surprised if I have your number... I will call it. What can I say, I've never done boredom well.
Labs are still looking decent. My white cells are trending down, despite Neulasta. And this after only 2 treatments. I see this as an indicator that by the time I finish all 6 treatments, I may not have many white cells left. We'll see. Also, I finally got my chart down to M D Anderson Hospital in Houston. Now, I'm just waiting to see if I can get an appointment. Pray for, "YES". I'm really interested in talking to this Dr. She works specifically with BRCA gene positive patients, that are advanced stages or having a recurrence.
On a positive note, I was attacked by a squirrel this week. I have lived in Keller basically my whole life. I have lived in a house with a forest for a yard, my whole life. I have never had a close encouter of third kind with a squirrel before. I left the windows on my van partially down, as usual, and they stayed that way for a couple of hours. I got in my van, to go on an errand only to find that a squirrel had gotten in. The squirrel was running all over the van trying to get out, I was screaming and out of the van like a flash. I assure you, most of what came out of my mouth was not nice. If the neighbors heard, I'm pretty sure they will try to keep the kids away from the "crazy" lady next door. I quickly opened all the doors and went inside the house to hide from this fiendish monster until it was safe. So, If you look into my van a see a stick, I now carry one for safety from all the attacking wildlife.

Today is a new day... Yesterday was frustrating for me and I felt like I had to argue with just about everyone to get the information and medications I need to get through the day. Phlebotomists telling me what labs should be ordered, instead of just doing what was ordered. Pharmacy Techs that feel the need to tell me my medications are unnecessary. I'm beginning to understand that Pharmacy Techs and I are not compatible at all. I'm pretty well known in my family for expressing my opinion, loudly, until you agree with me. Therefore, until I find a pharmacy, where that techs either fear me speaking to them, or just agree with the Pharmacist and/or Dr. I guess, I'll be moving my scripts around. I hate that, but I also hate having to explain and argue for my meds every single week.
My sister came by the house and took the boys out for dinner. That was perfect! allowed me to decompress and try and control the crying. (apparently, any sort of stress right now makes me cry.) As well as, gave the boys a break from the schizophrenic they have as a mom.
The dogs ran away. AGAIN! Tahoe only runs away at night, in the rain, and she takes Sugar with her. Y'all, check on Matt, He comes home to find me in tears over a sleeping pill and yelling at the Pharm Tech, discovers the dogs are missing, which makes the kids cry, and goes out in the rain and dark with a flashlight and his truck. Looking for a Black and Tan dog. He was either that anxious to get away from mass hysteria, or that desperate to find the dogs and save the day. I'm not sure which motivated him, but the end result was the same. He tried, after a long day to find lost dogs and then come home and deal with US. I'm surprised sometimes the man doesn't just hang out in bars.
The dogs, by the way, were on their own time table. Gabe woke up early and found Sugar asleep in her bed in the bathroom, and Tahoe decided it was time to come home by howling outside our bedroom window at 0300. They better have had a good time. : (

Gabe's birthday weekend went GREAT!!! He and his friends had fantastic time at Great Wolf Lodge. He waited so patiently for his party, and to those of you who made it happen... Thank you so much, He will have those memories forever. And, so will I. I observed from the side lines ( such a wimp, even THAT made me tired) and I loved every smile that crossed his face. Nothing makes me happier than to see my sons' smile.