Ok, well, I made it through the tummy bug, I made it through #3 chemo. I am now at work.... desperately wishing for the end of the the shift. What possesses me to agree to work 12 hour shifts, other than abject poverty, is beyond me. I'm not doing patient care, because I don't want to make mistakes, and let's face it I'm not at my best. I sit in a little room, and watch heart beats. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I can't wait to crawl into my bed! I may not emerge until Sunday, when Riley has to sing in the choir.
I got out and coached CC this Thursday. Well, it's more like I laid in the grass, calling out times to keep the kids on pace and instructions on form. I'm pretty sure that's not "coaching" in the traditional sense, but I think all involved were the better for it. At least the kids can say I take a "laid back" approach to CC. In case you hadn't noticed my main motivation in life is my kids and MLCA. Congrats to MLCA for putting up with my constant interfering, and "unique" approach to getting something done. My list of " I owe you so much", grows longer every day. LuElle for taking the boys on Fridays, Corrie, for picking them up on a moments notice. John and Kristi Heffron, for driving me around. Kristi and Schel and everyone else involved in the scrapbooking event that is coming up. I'm a lousy historian, and y'all make something beautiful for each of my boys and my husband. For everyone contributing to the lunches for the boys, thank you, thank you, thank you, that makes my mornings so much easier. For all of the dinners we have received... I can't even begin. Even Parker eats them and that's hard to do!
Loyalty. That has been on my mind a lot recently. It's a value we try to instill in our children, one we try to honor (as long as it doesn't cost us too much) and a value we all like to think we have. I can honestly say, that I have been described as loyal. (or beating a dead horse, you choose.) I am surprised, and gladdened to see that my co-workers, church, and school have once again stood by my side in my time of crisis. You thank God for once, but to witness it and be the recipient of such loyalty TWICE. Unbelievable. Anyway, loyalty is a too way street. One of my best friend's is no longer speaking to me. I "broke" her husband's boundary by inviting them to a family event. He's furious with me and we had quite the showdown at work, since we're both such wilting personalties. I miss my friend. She always made me laugh, and could even make fun of the fact that I was bald without being mean. Truly, she's hilarious! But, I admire her strength and loyalty to her husband. Like his decision or not, she has stood by him. And, I made a point of telling him he should be thankful for her. I'm saddened that the casualty was a friendship, but heartened that she remains true to herself, and is loyal.

I haven't posted in a week or more, I've been lying in bed wishing for a merciful end. I finally feel a little better, but tomorrow I have chemo and down the spiral we go again. For those of you keeping count (ME!!!!!!!!) This is treatment #3, with 3 to go. This does not take into account, possible radiation, and whatever fun and games MD Anderson recommends, recurrences and so on. Aaaahhh the joys of life. I have tasted a wide variety of soups in the past week. (Note to self...Tomato Soup, does not stay down well, and is scary looking when it comes back up.) The kids have had a hard week, I've been of no assistance to them at all. They come in my room, hug the lump in the bed that is presumably me and tell me, "I love you mom." I mumble something in return. Just think, my sons' fondest memories of me will not be of me, but the lump I formed under the bed comforter. And Matt says it makes no difference what type of comforter you put on the bed, "It's just a really big blanket." Whatever.

I went out to lunch with friends from work today. It's the first time Ive been out of the house in about a week. It was good to see them. We spoke of a former co-worker with cancer, and how we would all like to help her out. She won't return calls, or texts and I don't know where she lives. This bothers us all, because we don't know if she has help, or enough help. Another nurse I've worked with for years, Eva, was just diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I feel SMOTHERED by cancer. She has surgery on Thursday. She's about 20 years older than I, but let me spell out her options. When they do her surgery, depending on the location of the tumor and size...they will take the tail of the Pancreas, the Common Bile Duct and the Gallbladder. End result, hope for the best and she's now Diabetic. If the tumor is too big, or over to far, well you've seen those horror movies where they scoop out all you insides, that's options #2. All but necessary organs required for life are left. And, BTW, that does not include a bladder, intestines, except for a small pouch. She seemed calmed (we all know how I reacted--HYSTERIA). I asked what was the plan after the surgery? Chemo, Radiation? Newsflash to me the reason Pancreatic cancer is so deadly... Surgery is the only known treatment. I think I'd be playing 1 potato, 2 potato with the gun I plan on using. And she managed to sit calmly through lunch, talk, laugh and visit. Man, I admire her. I wish I had her strength, because honestly, I'd be under my new bed comforter.


P.S. If you ever wonder about the nurse shortage---they all have cancer.