I haven't posted in a week or more, I've been lying in bed wishing for a merciful end. I finally feel a little better, but tomorrow I have chemo and down the spiral we go again. For those of you keeping count (ME!!!!!!!!) This is treatment #3, with 3 to go. This does not take into account, possible radiation, and whatever fun and games MD Anderson recommends, recurrences and so on. Aaaahhh the joys of life. I have tasted a wide variety of soups in the past week. (Note to self...Tomato Soup, does not stay down well, and is scary looking when it comes back up.) The kids have had a hard week, I've been of no assistance to them at all. They come in my room, hug the lump in the bed that is presumably me and tell me, "I love you mom." I mumble something in return. Just think, my sons' fondest memories of me will not be of me, but the lump I formed under the bed comforter. And Matt says it makes no difference what type of comforter you put on the bed, "It's just a really big blanket." Whatever.
I went out to lunch with friends from work today. It's the first time Ive been out of the house in about a week. It was good to see them. We spoke of a former co-worker with cancer, and how we would all like to help her out. She won't return calls, or texts and I don't know where she lives. This bothers us all, because we don't know if she has help, or enough help. Another nurse I've worked with for years, Eva, was just diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I feel SMOTHERED by cancer. She has surgery on Thursday. She's about 20 years older than I, but let me spell out her options. When they do her surgery, depending on the location of the tumor and size...they will take the tail of the Pancreas, the Common Bile Duct and the Gallbladder. End result, hope for the best and she's now Diabetic. If the tumor is too big, or over to far, well you've seen those horror movies where they scoop out all you insides, that's options #2. All but necessary organs required for life are left. And, BTW, that does not include a bladder, intestines, except for a small pouch. She seemed calmed (we all know how I reacted--HYSTERIA). I asked what was the plan after the surgery? Chemo, Radiation? Newsflash to me the reason Pancreatic cancer is so deadly... Surgery is the only known treatment. I think I'd be playing 1 potato, 2 potato with the gun I plan on using. And she managed to sit calmly through lunch, talk, laugh and visit. Man, I admire her. I wish I had her strength, because honestly, I'd be under my new bed comforter.
P.S. If you ever wonder about the nurse shortage---they all have cancer.
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What is the friend's name that yuo cannot find? Perhaps I can get an address...
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, Lorri. So admiring of you. Even under your comforter.