What to say, what to say...

Well, let's see. I have plenty of things on my mind, but only some for public consumption. I talked with a former co-worker today. She and I worked in North Hills ER together for several years and have been out of touch for several years. We were friendly, but never really friends. I'm sure that plenty of you know what I mean. Anyway, she was diagnosed with Stg 3 Breast Cancer just last month. She and I now share an uncommon and unfortunate bond. Young women (she's 37) who have advanced breast cancer. We spoke openly and honestly with each other, she admits to being angry, and that I felt like I was the only person on the planet facing their own mortality, and not being happy with it. We spoke for some time...which was surprising to us both, I realized that perhaps we each need the outlet that the other provided, ears that were not biased, not necessarily going to soft petal crap, and maybe even anger, but only with honesty. I find that I want to help her beyond all means necessary and that I'm more upset with her diagnosis than I thought I might. It's not fair!!!! Why young women????? Why young MOMS????? I understand where my cancer came from, I carry the gene, my mother had it, my grandmother had. Why does SHE have it? There's no history in her family, she's young, previously healthy!!! Why did this insidious disease choose her to wreak it's havoc on???? The anger I never felt with my diagnosis, the WHY? I never felt with my own diagnosis, is now pouring out of me with abundance at the unfairness of CANCER!!!! I know that most people are touched, moved and changed by very personal connections with cancer. Through that loved one, that friend at work, or school, but how many of them are young? We (myself included) view cancer as part of the circle of life and that it happens to the other person, that other OLDER person. That it can't happen to us (which I have most definitely proven wrong), but it does. And it sucks, very much! That the cycle of life is not necessarily the 72 years for men and the 76.3 the US government says it is. That sometimes that cycle is far shorter. That the young as well as the old get sick and die. That just because you're 80, doesn't mean you're ready to move on to "your eternal reward". That hearing the devastating words, the name of whatever horrible illness that will eventually rob you of the future that you had planned, gets any easier....Ever. That the little old lady that comes to my ER complaining of difficulty breathing, is facing her own demons. That she feels just as lost, angry, and alone as I sometimes do. That she is someone's loved on, friend, neighbor or co-worker. That we're all connected, in good ways and bad, in happiness and sadness... That I have an opportunity, to help her, console her, and fill some small part of her need. I realize now, 14 years after I got into nursing, that this is what I find most satisfying. That this is the reason I am here. That maybe God has some plan and I had some lesson to learn in humility and caring. I hope that I make him proud and I hope that he allows me to hang around long enough to share this with my patients. Basically I hope, I hope...